Two years ago, a short-term project took me deep into the tribal heartland of Madhya Pradesh, a world far removed from the cityscapes I knew. I was conducting a diagnostic study, trying to understand the intricacies of life in this remote region, when I stumbled upon something that completely upended my understanding of marriage and family. It was a revelation, a stark contrast to the narratives I’d grown up with.
Here, in this tribal belt, the concept of marital permanence seemed … fluid. There was no social stigma, no hushed whispers of scandal, when a woman chose to leave her marriage. It was simply accepted. A woman could walk away from her husband, even her children, to begin a life with another man. And not just once. She could change partners multiple times, a freedom that both fascinated and troubled me.
Imagine, I thought, the sheer power in that choice. A woman trapped in an abusive or dysfunctional relationship had an escape route, a way out of a life that might otherwise crush her spirit. This was a stark contrast to the stories I’d heard back home, in the city, where women endured years of hardship, trapped in unhappy marriages by social pressure, family expectations, and the fear of being alone.
Cost Of Freedom
Yet, this freedom came at a cost. While the women found new lives and new loves, their children were often left behind, raised by their fathers, growing up without a mother’s presence. The image of these children, missing a maternal touch, a mother’s love, tugged at my heart. It was a complex picture, a bittersweet paradox. Back in the city, I’d witnessed countless women struggling under the weight of difficult marriages, often enduring strained relationships with in-laws, simply because the option of leaving felt impossible.
The most common reason, the refrain I’d heard over and over, was “for the children.” They stayed, sacrificing their own happiness, to ensure their children had both a mother and a father, however imperfect the family unit might be. They clung to the hope of providing a stable home, a complete family, even if it meant their own lives were a constant struggle. This stark contrast between the two worlds, painted a vivid picture of the diverse ways in which societies define and experience love, marriage, and family.
Recently, three real-life stories brought this issue back to the forefront of my mind.
Surekha’s Story
My mother’s sister recounted the story of Surekha, a distant relative, who left her husband, Dinesh, and their two young sons (aged 3 and 5) to elope with her lover. Dinesh, heartbroken, took his children to her new location, hoping that seeing them would rekindle her maternal instincts. He was willing to forgive her and rebuild their family. However, even the sight of her pleading children couldn’t persuade her to return. She made no effort to stay in contact, and her sons grew up without her.
Sunaina’s Story
Sudha, one of my community resource persons (CRPs), shared the story of her sister-in-law, Sunaina. Sunaina had an arranged marriage and a son. She quietly moved her belongings to her parental home and simply left her husband and child without explanation, choosing to live with another man. Unlike Surekha’s children, Sunaina’s son maintains regular contact with her at her parents’ house.
Malti’s Story
Vedika, another CRP, told me about Malti, a married woman with two sons. Malti ran away with a doctor, living with him in his village. After his death years later, her sons, now married, came to live with her. However, the villagers ostracized them, forcing Malti and her family to leave. While her sons and their wives returned to their father’s home, Malti lived in another village for several years before eventually returning to live with her sons in her old age.
Common Thread
These stories, while unique in their details, share several common threads. First, all the women belonged to tribal communities. Second, their marriages were arranged, and they all had children. Third, and perhaps most importantly, in each case, the husbands were either abusive, neglectful, or struggling with alcohol problems.
These commonalities highlight the complex interplay of factors influencing these women’s decisions. While the social acceptance of women leaving marriages provides an escape route, the underlying issues within their marriages likely played a significant role in their choices. It’s important to acknowledge that while these women had the agency to leave, their choices were likely influenced by difficult circumstances within their marital relationships.
This exploration has highlighted the complexities of marital freedom within these tribal communities.
It raises important questions about the balance between individual autonomy and familial responsibility, the impact of social structures on individual choices, and the long-term consequences for the children involved. It’s a reminder that social dynamics are rarely black and white, and that understanding the nuances of different cultural contexts is crucial for meaningful dialogue and social change.
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