What do you do when a professional opportunity comes your way? Do you prioritise your family, your career, or your health? I always believed that if given a choice, I would choose my family or health. But recently, I learned something different about myself. When faced with the decision, I prioritised my career, just like any newcomer would. No matter how much I had thought otherwise, my actions proved different.
Last year, after completing my master’s in France, I had two choices: stay back or return to India. I chose to come back. The reason I tell everyone is that I didn’t find a relevant job opportunity and didn’t want to waste more time looking. But that wasn’t the only reason.
Decision
When I was in France, I had a constant fear of losing my parents. I know everyone has that fear, but being away made it worse. Even though my parents were managing fine, guilt weighed on me. I would answer their calls in one ring, afraid something was wrong. Every night, I would think, what if I lost them? And what’s worse than losing someone when you’re not around? How to deal with the guilt? I didn’t have answer to those questions. So, I took the first chance and flew back to India.
Of course, my parents wished otherwise. They wanted me to secure a stable job in Europe. But things don’t always go as planned. Then I found out about the India Fellow Leadership Program. It seemed perfect, getting work exposure while staying close to my parents. That’s how I landed in Solan.
Fast forward to March 2025. My mother told me that my sister was about start a new venture in Indore. She also asked about my travel plans. The SAMRIDH Himachal 2045 Colloquium, which I was working on, was scheduled from March 21 to 24. So, I told her I’d be there in the last week of March to support my sister in this big moment. But then, the dates clashed.
What a dilemma, family or career? And as you already know, I chose my career.
My mother kept asking me to try and fly back by the 24th. At first, I was hopeful. But then the team decided to stay in Shimla until the 25th. How could I miss the chance to meet people from across India? But how could I miss such an important family event where everyone would be present?
With a heavy heart, I had to say no to my family. I could tell they were disappointed. But what could I do?
These thoughts kept lingering. After returning from my India Fellow training, I was already drowning in work. “With great power comes great responsibility”. When Abhishek asked me to handle operations and logistics, I felt happy to be given such a role. After a difficult and honest conversation with him, I took full ownership of it.
The Story Didn’t End There Though
Since coming back from training, I hadn’t slept well. I was exhausted, both physically and mentally. My room was a mess. But I had taken responsibility, and I didn’t want to step back. Knowing I’m not a people person. Knowing communication isn’t my strongest skill. But also knowing that if I ever wanted to start my own venture, I needed to hone my operational skills. Abhishek, my friend and mentor, believed in my ability. That’s why he directed me toward this role.
Was it easy? No. I was tired, drained, and homesick. Since we were collaborating with the government, I had to deal with officials who had been following the same processes for years. I couldn’t blame them, but for someone like me, who loses her temper quickly, it was tough. I kept my calm. After many clashes, breakdowns, and moments of self-doubt, I managed things well, mostly without Abhishek’s help. Maybe it was his words that pushed me. He had said,
“I know you’ll make mistakes, but I’m here. I’ll give you the space to learn.”
And he did, patiently.
After three days, when people were leaving, they complimented my ability to manage things. “You pushed yourself out of your comfort zone,” said Prem Das Rai, a two-time Member of Parliament from Sikkim. “You have such clarity at this age”, “you managed everything well” were some other compliments that I had received from people.
In image, a selfie with the honourable, Mr. Prem Das Rai
Take Over
But was that enough? Did the guilt of not being there for my family go away? No, not even for a minute. It felt like I had put my emotions on hold for those four days. And the moment the colloquium ended, they took over.
Yes, I am proud of myself for exceeding my own expectations. I am humbled to have met so many people and built personal connections with most of them. Through this experience, I learned that pushing myself beyond my comfort zone brings unexpected growth. I learned patience, especially while working with government officials, and resilience in handling stressful situations. I understood the importance of teamwork, of trusting others to manage things when I couldn’t.
But when I think about the times I ignored my family’s calls during meetings, the achievements don’t matter. At least in France, I could take my mother’s calls without hesitation. So, was it worth coming back to India? If I still can’t be there for my family when it matters the most? Wasn’t it better when I was abroad, knowing I couldn’t fly back? I don’t know. All I know is that professional success is fulfilling, but it doesn’t always erase the guilt of missing personal moments. What would you do in such a situation? How would you deal with this dilemma?
0 Comments