Raw, Real, Resilient: The Journey So Far

A New Beginning: Expectations vs. Reality

I began my journey as an India Fellow in August 2024 with a mix of excitement and confidence. Having lived away from home since my school days and coming from a corporate background, I assumed that transitioning into the fellowship would not be too difficult. After all, how different could it be from any other job? How hard could it get? But reality hit me harder than I had foreseen.

From the very beginning, this experience tested me in ways I never expected. The shift to a new state, away from the familiarity of my home, was overwhelming. The change in food, people, language, and culture affected me more than I had anticipated. I found myself struggling—something I was not used to admitting. I even reached out to my family and friends for support, which surprised them because I was always the independent one. This struggle, however, made me realize the value of the people in my life, the ones who truly matter.

Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone

I consider myself an ambivert—while I enjoy social settings, I tend to retreat into my introverted side in unfamiliar environments. I prefer to observe, absorb, and take my time before speaking up. But this fellowship demanded the opposite of me, and that too, immediately. It was uncomfortable, almost frustrating. I often found myself thinking,

“This is exactly what I want to say, so why can’t I just say it?”

The struggle to articulate my thoughts in group discussions was real.

The Induction Phase: Exciting Yet Exhausting

The induction period was both exciting and exhausting. It broke my well-structured routine, one that I had followed since college. Now in my 30s, breaking habits that I had carefully built over the years was incredibly difficult. Adapting to a new routine—one that included erratic schedules, long discussions, and engaging with a younger group of fellows, many fresh out of college—was challenging. I found myself feeling out of place at times, but I pushed through, trying to blend in without losing myself in the process.

With the change in routine, my health took a hit. The late nights, early mornings, and irregular meal schedules caught up with me. Towards the end of the induction, I fell terribly ill—to the point where I needed assistance to walk and had to visit the hospital. And just five days after that, I had to move to my placement organization. Luckily, I was placed in Rajasthan, the same city where our induction was held, so I only had to shift my luggage within a neighborhood.

Settling Into Work: The First Few Months

The first fifteen days at my organization felt like another induction—getting introduced to the work, the people, and the overall structure. The initial two months were all about understanding my responsibilities and executing tasks assigned by the organization. One of my first projects was a survey on Maternal and Child Health. It was an eye-opening experience, allowing me to closely interact with the community and understand their perspectives. I learned about the healthcare practices, beliefs, and barriers they faced—like avoiding ghee and milk products during pregnancy, or working long hours despite the physical strain.

The Challenges Of Fieldwork

My fieldwork required frequent travel from Udaipur to Salumber, to the field and though I love exploring new places, constant travel with packed bags exhausted me. By the end of the day, I would be completely drained, yet the expectation to socialize and engage with peers remained. On top of that, the food—oh, the spice! My stomach was in a constant state of distress, adding to my struggles. But through all of this, I chose not to complain. This fellowship was my decision, and I refused to appear weak or incapable. Giving up was not an option.

Health Struggles And Silent Battles

Just when I thought things couldn’t get tougher, life threw another challenge my way. Around Diwali, I noticed a small wound near my toe. I assumed it was an insect bite and ignored it, expecting it to heal on its own. But weeks passed, and it only worsened. I consulted three doctors, tried multiple medications, but nothing worked. The wound began spreading, eventually reaching my hand. It started oozing, and I had to wrap it in bandages while continuing my work. The pain was unbearable, but more than that, the helplessness of not knowing what was wrong frustrated me.

The winter only made things worse. I am not a winter person, and the biting cold in Rajasthan made me shiver like never before. But again, I kept all these struggles to myself, fearing that speaking up would sound like an excuse. It wasn’t until last month that I finally visited a skin specialist, who diagnosed it as microbial eczema. The prescribed medication worked, and for the first time in months, I felt a sense of relief.

Finding Strength In My Co-Fellows

Throughout this time, what truly helped me was talking to my co-fellows. A few of them became my support system—I would share my struggles with them, and despite being younger than me, they gave me advice, comfort, and strength. It amazed me how much wisdom and empathy they had, even at their age. Their encouragement kept me going on my toughest days. Now, as we approach our midpoint gathering at the end of this month, I can’t wait to meet them again. The excitement of reconnecting with them and sharing our journeys fills me with joy!

But amidst the struggles, there was also immense learning and growth. The communities I worked with became my source of strength. Despite living in conditions far tougher than mine, they carried on with resilience and hope. Their stories, their perseverance, and their ability to find joy in the smallest things inspired me to keep going. Whenever I felt like my problems were overwhelming, I reminded myself that my struggles were nothing compared to theirs.

Six months in, I am still here, still standing, still learning. This journey has shaped me in ways I never expected, and though it has been incredibly tough, I am grateful for every lesson it has taught me. Here’s to the remaining months of this fellowship—embracing challenges, finding strength, and continuing to grow.