I am developing a project for boys at Sadbhavna Trust, my host organization, dedicated to supporting communities of Lucknow. With a feminist approach focussing on gender equality, social leadership, and skill development, Sadbhavna recognizes that empowering women alone is insufficient. When women return home or engage with a predominantly male society, they still encounter the same challenges. Therefore, it is essential to work with young boys who are about to assume roles within this patriarchal framework.
To understand these boys and their needs better, I am conducting a needs analysis that has already provided valuable insights.
From Initial Interaction With A Key Stakeholder
Since our target age group is between 16 and 25, we decided to engage with colleges and schools to understand young boys of Lucknow. My perspective shifted significantly when I began reaching out to colleges. Many college administrations did not respond after the initial conversation, primarily because i was representing a non-profit and it was not placement related. We then leveraged some connections; individuals who could “put in a word”—which helped us secure a fair opportunity for meetings.
This process led to a meeting with the principal of a local yet well-known college (name withheld for anonymity). After waiting an hour past the scheduled time, we finally met. The meeting lasted 20 minutes and focused on our government connections and necessary approvals. I explained that we are an organization with over 30 years of experience in India, including 15 years in Lucknow. However, he remained unyielding. When I mentioned that we have conducted similar events at Lucknow University, he expressed some interest since the college is affiliated with the university, but this interest was fleeting. Upon explaining our initiative and its focus on leadership aimed at young boys, he responded:
“Ladkiyon ko iski zarurat hai, ladke toh paidaishi leaders hote hai” (Girls need it; boys are born leaders)
What Safe Space?
When I mentioned our hope to create a safe space for sharing within the campus to support their mental health, his response made me confident about the necessity of this project. He said, “What safe space? Ladkiyon ko toh protect karna hai ladko se; inke paas toh bohot safe space hai hi. Inke mental health ko koi dikkat nahi hai; har class ke baad bahar 4-4 ladke group bana ke ‘haha-hihi’ karte hi hai, class ke liye maar ke lejana padta hai. (Girls are the ones who need protection from these boys. These boys have all safe space. There mental health is perfectly fine. They form groups of 4 after each class and laugh it out and talk to each other, we have to bring back for their next class)”
Ultimately, we did not receive his permission to conduct a focus group discussion or proceed with our project. My interaction with the principal of this college actually helped me to tune my pitching strategy and also tweak certain segments in the project.
From The Group Discussions
In the focus group discussions (FGDs) I have conducted so far, some intriguing revelations emerged regarding how college-going boys perceive themselves, society, and various issues. The questions addressed mental health, career aspirations, societal expectations, self-perception, situational challenges, and gender-related topics. The participants were of the age 18 to 23 years. Here are some remarks that I caught straight from the participants’ conversations:-
“Everyone has expectations from us but no one wants to understand us, our problems.”
“Men also face harassment by women, and it often goes unnoticed. Yesterday, while returning from the summit building, my friend shared an auto with two women. They harassed him and stole his money. He’s very innocent and couldn’t do anything about it.”
“Lot of times when we take public buses, trains or on the roads the transgender individuals harass us into giving money.”
“I was riding my motorcycle with my sister. Suddenly, two men swiftly rode from the side, whistled and used slurs at my sister. Terrified, I called my cousins as it was late and our village road is dark. We caught the two men at the crossing. I was so angry, I slapped them repeatedly, so much so that my hands swelled. I had to apply ice pack.”
What Will A Girl Do If She Finds A Hand In Her Lap
In a situational question, when asked what should the girl do if she finds a hand on her lap in an auto? One of the respondent said, “If there are people, she should say it.” Another was, “She should politely ask the man to remove his hand. It might be unintentional due to the crowd.” “She should not take action the first time but wait and see if it’s happening repeatedly, then say something.”
As the dialogue proceeded in this direction, a boy remarked, “Yesterday, when I was scrolling through my instagram I came across a reel where a girl was dancing, dressed provocatively in very short clothes almost like nothing. Girls doing such things are inviting for trouble”
What Society Wants From Men
“Men have to be rough and tough, which girl will want a physically weak and emotional boyfriend or husband.’‘
“We boys do not have space in the society to share our feelings, sometimes I feel alone.”
“As a boy, I feel the need to protect the women in my family and even other.”
“Society sees men as hard, brave, responsible, no emotions, money-makers, self-dependent, dominant”
“I cannot cry as I’ve been raised to handle everything on my own, otherwise, I’ll be seen as weak.” “It’s not that I don’t want to cry but tears don’t come. I just go somewhere and sit, alone.” “The last time I cried was when I was admitted to the boarding school.”
“No one from my family has yet asked me or told me to get a job or something; but I feel I have this pressure.” “No one asks me whether I want to do a job or not, after degree. My family and everyone expects me to earn.”
Other Remarks
A girl present there shared, “A middle-aged man followed me for sometime. I didn’t tell my brother as he would fight and get hurt. Instead I shared it with my sister, who advised me to go through the legal process.”
Another boy observed, “I am doing BA and my aunt came home recently. She told us very proudly towards me that her daughter is doing BSC Maths. With a taunt, she asked me my plans for job. She said now she will be getting good marriage proposals. But when I said that it’s great so now what job would she be doing, my aunt’s face dropped. I don’t understand why girls want to study so much only to aim for a wealthy husband and marriage?”
A comment which remained with me was – “we do not like feminism because it has become negative, the laws are biased against men.”
Summary
These statements have sparked reflection and offered intriguing insights into the thoughts of young boys who are starting to navigate their roles within a patriarchal society. Post the session, the participants told me that they really liked the discussion, felt heard, they wanted more of such spaces where they could speak openly. Their feedback revealed the significant impact that a safe space and being heard can have on someone. I hope they encourage you to ponder what is shaping the minds of today’s youth.
I look forward to write a followup piece once the study progresses further.
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