What is common between a 21 year old woman and a woman in her late 50s except their gender? Turns out, a lot. Recently, I came across the stories of two women who belong to different age groups but their journeys are quite similar. These journeys make their struggles unique and yet connected. The quest for their identity and their place in society is apparent in both their stories and makes one wonder about the opportunities for women.
Chandni’s Story – From Shadows To Spotlight
Chandani* is an intriguing person with a playful demeanour in her late 50s. She has been working since the past 20 years although she hasn’t had a formal education. She always ties her salt and pepper hair in a bun, dressing up simply in cotton sarees. On asking what drives her to work relentlessly, she responded, “my daughters.”
This surprised me. Unknowingly I asked about her husband one day and she answered that he had left her a long time back. As if she knew I would ask why, she continued further, “because I couldn’t bear a son.”
She told me that due to the financial difficulties and being the eldest among 4 sisters, she was married early. Her family dictated how her life would be, “I was told what to do but never asked what I wanted”.
This struck me as oddly familiar because these expectations from daughters still exist. Chandni has had a difficult life. And then she built it from scratch while tending to the needs of three children single handedly. On asking what have you discovered about yourself in all these years, she says, “I can speak and fight for myself to live the life I deserve. Now I am living a life where I can breathe freely without any constraints”
Currently Chandni works as a ASHA worker and is also associated with an NGO as a mental health counsellor. Traditions still bind her life when it comes to choosing a future for her daughters. She was discouraged from enrolling her daughter for higher education. “How will she travel alone to study such long distances?” She had to fight again to give her daughters a life of strength and opportunities.
Gudiya”s Story – Dreaming Beyond Limits
Gudiya is a 21 years old woman, working and supporting her family. She was a state level football player who aspired to represent her state at national level. The bright eyed young girl lost her hopes of the future after sustaining an injury. On asking how she started playing, she says, “I loved being outdoors and playing games so when the school coach asked me to try for a spot in the football team, I did”.
It was a heady ride from there but not without struggles. Gudiya is third among the five siblings with two elder sisters who were married off at an early age. Their father used to work in a wood factory and is currently sick.
She says her parents expected her to study and get good grades but she was more interested in sports. Despite being told not to play, she continued her practice and hid her sporting endeavours from her family.
The injury came as a blow that shattered all her dreams. Currently Gudiya works as a mental health counsellor at an NGO while continuing her studies through distance courses. Along with that she is supporting her sick father and funds the study of her two younger brothers. She aspires to clear the Bihar Police Exam which she hopes will give, “security and a future not to worry about till I get married”.
Football will always be a distant dream, she says as she doesn’t know where she could have reached. The means to close the gap between her ability and dreams in her situation is beyond her grasp.
Missed Opportunities
The times have changed and women are doing it all. The story of these two women however carry significance in the larger context of Indian society. Obviously by choosing to remain silent and by doing as they are told women keep the peace of the society. If they choose themselves or voice their expectations, they become the “other” woman who is often labeled as bad.
Gudiya and Chandni’s journey reflects a larger view of the society. Chandni’s life could have been more fulfilling and empowering if she had the opportunity to study and had more say in important decisions like marriage.
For Gudiya, she is not able to find her true potential in her quest to keep peace with her parents and financial situation. She is a talented sports player but it has been replaced with more conventional job work she has chosen as a woman. Women are still expected to conform to societal expectations which continue to bind them. These two women still struggle to find their identity and a lost future. In both the stories we find a dearth of opportunities that were either not available or if they were available then they were snatched from them.
Are We Doing Enough?
In this era, where women are excelling in all fields they are still told to choose conventional jobs so that they would come home on time. Their agency and voice in the matters related to their choice go unheard.
Women like Gudiya are stopped from choosing a career in sports and end up choosing a more socially acceptable job. Opportunities make all the difference in the stories of these women who strive to get somewhere better than their current situation. They don’t have very big dreams, rather they hope to find a stepping stone for a better future.
We need to ask ourselves how and what we are doing to make the dreams of such women a reality. Are we snatching their dreams away in the quest to fit them into the mold of a better woman? Are we doing enough for women like Gudiya and Chandni, who are sacrificing their aspirations to keep the society from crumbling?
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