Your body is just a place your memory calls home
– Dr Deepak Chopra in his book titled Quantum Healing
Sitting in the middle of a group conversation where I didn’t understand anything made me feel vulnerable. Then there was problem with food (regional cuisine was relatively new for me), unavailability of internet, home-sickness, different ideologies and the list goes on. There were too many changes and I was not prepared for them. I was lost and it took me a while to realize that I was being hunted down by ghosts of my memories.
With no access to internet in the initial days, I was totally cut off from social media. Virtual escape was not an option anymore. Both my co-fellows were struggling with their own issues and I didn’t want to burden them with my problems. All this made it worse as I was back to a familiar kind of loneliness which I felt at so many points in my life, where I would be in the middle of a crowd and still feel alone.
India Fellow for me, was a way to escape my past and discover my new self. I thought that moving to a new place and gaining new experiences will help me create a better version of myself, and here I was finding my old reflection wherever I look. When memory hunts you, fighting it back is of no use. The best strategy is to accept it but I didn’t know how. For the first time in many years, I reached out for emotional help.